Prerequisites to Being a
Modern Liberal Democrat

- Anonymous

• You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.
• You have to be against capital punishment, but for abortion on demand, in short you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
• You have to believe that the same public school teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
• You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.
• You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese. [or a vehicle in the hands of a Kennedy - Ed.]
• You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the Sun, and more affected by SUVs.
• You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
• You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature but animal rights activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
• You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
• You have to believe there was no art before federal funding.
• You have to believe the military starts wars and that politicians stop them.
• You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ channels can't deliver the quality that PBS does.
• You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution.
• You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high. [my personal fave - Ed.]
• You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
• You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
• You have to believe that secondhand smoke is more dangerous than HIV.
• You have to believe Hilary Clinton is really a lady and Rosie O'Donnell is not really a man.
• You have to believe that conservatives are racists, but that black people couldn't make it without your help.
• You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.