-You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
-You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
-You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
-You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
-You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
-You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
-You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
-The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
-You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
-You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
-You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
-You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
-You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
-You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
-You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
-You answer to "The Man."
-You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
-You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
-You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
-You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
-You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
-When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
-You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
-You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
-You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
-Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
-You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
-You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
-You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
-You've ever called education a luxury.
-You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
-You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
-You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
-You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
-You're afraid of the liberal media."
-You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates..."
-You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
-You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
-You confuse Lenin with Lennon.